perfectionist

Times They Are A-Changing: A Note On Being Authentic

07 03 2016
Things here feel in ‘transition’ at the moment. Have you ever had that feeling that you’re getting ‘tugged’ inside to make a change?
 
In the (almost) five years since we got married, and had our two boys, it’s been an ongoing transition… and I feel like the bigger transition has been INSIDE ME. 
 
If you’re a mum, you might be like me – what you want to create for yourself and your family has shifted a little.  YOU have shifted a little.  Yes, you’re still that same girl at heart but maybe the 2.0 version!
 
How about you?  What was it that you felt called to do or be pre-kiddos?  And how has that shifted now?  Who were you before and who are you now that you’re someone’s mum as well as YOU?
 
One thing is crystal clear for me – that’s who I want to help and my BIG WHY. 
 
But how I want to work and create that has (and is) shifting.
 
So, I’m going against the grain.  The ‘perfectionist’ in me wants to only present the finished product to you, once I’ve worked it all out, but I’ve decided to share the behind-the-scenes with you as I work through the process of change…. (I’m sharing this behind-the-scenes with my gang in a secret group – click here to get in)
 
So, my ‘why’ (aka the thing, the purpose, the cause that inspires me to do the thing I want to do) is:
 
I want to help mums to be seen as who they really are.  Helping you to rediscover your true you, who you want to be and what you want to be known for.  To use my mindset expertise to help you clear the ‘stuff’ holding you back.  And then to help you design a crystal clear ‘personal brand’ so you can be seen and shine – and inspire your children to do the same.
 
This is awkward.  I can usually find the words I want but here I struggle to put it succinctly.  (Personal brand sounds superficial as it’s way deeper than that…. Hmmm?) So, how about this? 
 
“My purpose is to help women be seen for who they really are so they can nurture their passions as well as their family – and be role models for the little eyes watching”. 
 
What do you think to that?  That’s what inspires me and I’m going to be in ‘creation’ mode as I evolve what I can do to help do that (and craft a clearer way of articulating it!).
 
I truly value your opinion so if you have something to say comment below and share your thoughts.  When it comes to how you feel about you, what is it that you struggle with or have a negative feeling about?
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Well THAT was embarrassing. Did you see it?

06 19 2016

Let me just acknowledge the elephant in the room.  I disappeared for a while.

Maybe I owe you a little explanation.  I’ll come to that in a moment…

The reason for sharing with you is I believe I can shed some light on what NOT to do if this story is something you can relate to.

I’ll also share what happened when I took the leap – and it totally back-fired!  

So, back to the point, I disappeared.  I checked out for a bit.

If truth be told… I was hiding away from you guys.  You see, my passion is helping people to be their best selves, helping them to live their sparkle and yet, rewind a year, and I felt so far from that myself.

I felt a fraud.  I felt I needed to be the finished product to be able to help you.  I thought I needed to go away and fix parts of my life first.  It’s the perfectionist in me – I wanted to do this thing right.  If I was to help you then surely I’d need to be an expert in, and perfect in, all areas.

Writing this to you now I realise how ridiculous it sounds.  Yet still a part of me whispers “who am I to be able to help anyone else when there’s still things I’m working on?”  Old habits die hard, as they say.

But striving for utopia is perfectionism on over-drive.  It’s me procrastinating on the one thing I feel really called to do – to help, to write, to show up in ways that help you create your best life.

So, what not to do?

Don’t wait for the perfect time. There never is one.

Don’t wait for the perfect opportunity to show up.  It won’t.

Don’t wait to feel like you’re ready/perfect. You won’t – nothing changes unless YOU change.

What’s standing between you and what you want?

I’ve spent the best part of my lifetime hiding and actively avoiding attention.  But deep down I know that standing between me and what I want (helping people on a bigger scale), I need to come out of hiding and push my comfort zone

So this week I decided to be brave.  I love to write to you but I know sometimes I hide behind the written word. Speaking up is my challenge.  I made a commitment to my awesome coach to “show my face”.  I gave my word that I’d share on Facebook Live.

This was majorly uncomfortable.  By showing up on Facebook Live I had to do the opposite of my default attention-avoidance, as if I was saying “look at me, I’m here and I have something to say.”  That is hugely out of my comfort zone.  It’s LIVE people – there’s zero room for perfectionism.

My insecurities were laid bare – insecure in the value of what I had to say, how I was saying it, how I was looking while saying it.  To me, I was raising my head over the parapet and opening myself up to being judged.  (That’s not to say that’s what I expected of the gorgeous peeps who might see it but they were the warning bells clanging by that ‘chimp brain’ of mine that’s trying to protect me.)

And I can’t tell you how (embarrassingly) long my finger hovered over the scary “Go Live” button.

BUT THEN… The utopia came to mind.  The life I imagine and the ‘me’ in it tapped me on the shoulder and, instead, I asked: “What would that Emma do?”  So, I pressed the button and I did it.

(Did you see?  It was a disaster.  The sound did not work!!!  I  chatted to myself for 8 minutes! EMBARRASSING. But I did it and I left it up there as proof, imperfect as it is!)

And here’s the lesson I’ve learned that I want to share.

I’ve come to learn that success is in the little victories.  I’d been focusing on the end game – striving for that finish line of success before I can help.

What’s courage anyway?  To me it’s letting your want/need for something be just a fraction bigger than your fear.  It’s a succession of moments like that, each moment getting you that little bit closer to your desired you and desired destination.

So, I ask again.  What stands between you and what you want? And what can you do to have courage (that’s just a tiny bit bigger than your fear) for one bold moment this week?

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How to keep things simple when overwhelm creeps in...

03 09 2014

This week’s blog post is brought to you with a KISS: I’m Keeping It Short and Sweet.

You might remember that at the beginning of the year I chose a theme for the year for my business (and life) goals: simplicity.  Well, as I hurtled into March I took some time to reflect on my goals… and realised things had become far from simple.  So, with renewed determination, my theme of simplicity is back.

This means:

– As you know I like to plan my week ahead on a Sunday night so, this week, I’ll be thinking about what’s really important.  Yes, there are 101 things I should or could be doing but only a handful that really matter.  Have you heard of the 80/20 rule?  80% of your results come from 20% of your efforts.  80% of your happiness comes from 20% of your activities.  As I think about my goals, I’m reminding myself of the precious 20% that really counts towards my ideal future, my goals and making the days count right now.

– I’m trying to get rid of some of the white noise.  Social media counts as a work activity for me.  I love the community that I’ve found in Facebook groups and contacts (and online friends) I’ve made on Twitter, but I too easily get drawn into discussions and attracted by new ideas that, for now, aren’t my priority.  First off, I’m imposing a limit on my social media time and I’m planning to use it with reason – not to consume more and more information but to connect with people with meaning.

– I’m adding in more quiet time.  I’m not sure where I heard this phrase a few years ago, but it really speaks to me: be still and listen to the whispers.  I know when I slow down the pace and have healthy doses of quiet time, everything becomes that little bit clearer.  I get flashes of inspiration and answers to questions… and I just feel so much calmer.  

If 80% of your results come from just 20% of your efforts, where will you focus your attention this week?  How can you listen to the whispers a little more?  

Image source: {1}

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Can you be more productive in less time? The 4 surprise pay-offs of doing less.

02 23 2014

Tell me, my dear Glitterati girls, have you ever had one of those days where you feel like you’re running half an hour late for your own life?  You’re over-committed, busy and trying to get way too much done in too little time?  You somehow manage to pull it off (you are a super-woman after all!) but end the day exhausted, mentally and physically.  How frequent are those days?

I’ve been at high-speed since new year.  I admit that I kind of like it like that – it makes me feel like I’m being productive, making progress. Sometimes though it means I’m hurriedly ticking things of an endless to-do list, hurtling forward yet not looking up to see where I’m heading.

This past week I instinctively felt like I needed to slow the pace a little and breathe.  It goes against the grain for me.  Unless I’m doing something I feel like I’m wasting my precious time.  But, I’m learning, slowing down can make you more productive.  

Would you try to slow the pace a little this week?  Here are four reasons to give it a go:

  • You can hear the penny drop: When I wasn’t racing at a hundred miles an hour, I started seeing some obvious answers to things I’d been working on.  Obvious, stare-you-in-the-face answers.  Forehead-to-palm-of-hand moments of realisation.  I could see what I’d been doing right and what I needed to differently.  I could have wasted hours being busy but, by taking the time to just let it simmer, the answer was there in a fraction of the time.  
  • You get to be a human being: Catch me ‘in the zone’ and you’d see me quiet, concentrated, busy.  In my own little bubble. Stepping away from the doing has meant I’ve had more time to connect to people.  Actually talking and sharing and relating a little more.  Some of these conversations have led to opportunities that I could never have planned for or created from my busy ‘doing’.  By allowing myself to ‘be’, doors have opened that I’d have missed before.
  • You realise you can’t do it all on your own: Just crack on and get it done.  Sound familiar?  What if you can get it done with a little help. Is there anything you think you should be doing that you could get a helping hand with?  I’m a technophobe but I’m also pretty independent so, when it came to trying to solve a techie problem, I was tempted to default to my usual I-can-work-it-out-for-myself attitude. And I probably could have with a LOT of Googling!  But, instead, I posted a question in a Facebook group and very quickly got an offer of help – a techie angel appeared, gave me 30 minutes of her time (out of the goodness of her heart) and, bingo, I had my answer. People are kind.  People love to help out.  Slow down and share more and you never know who might swoop to your aid.
  • It’s flipping nice: How about, it’s nice to slow down because it feels better than the usual break-neck speed? Yep, it gets my vote too.  I spent Friday – a work day! – enjoying  some  quality time with my friend.  We drank coffee, had a leisurely lunch and chatted.  It was a complete tonic.  

Now, as uncomfortable as this might be, it’s your turn.  Can you slow the pace this week?  What time can you earmark for yourself to cast the to-do list aside and switch off?  I’d love you to share in the comments below.

Image: {1}

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Stop waiting: a celebration

02 02 2014

Once I’ve got a slimmer waist, a tauter tummy, slimmer thighs, clearer skin, glossier hair… THEN I’ll feel attractive.

Once the house is cleaned, the laundry is washed and ironed, the beds are freshly made and the fridge is fully stocked…. THEN I’ll feel like a domestic goddess.

Once my children are fed a nutritious, home-cooked meal, entertained with creative play, nurtured with quiet interaction, bathed in nasty-free bubbles and settled soundly…. THEN I’ll feel like a good mummy.

Once I’ve got that promotion or secured a new business partnership, been recognised by my peers, increased my income…. THEN I’ll feel like a professional success.

Once I’ve made the perfect romantic gesture, created quality time to talk and listen, shown gratitude for the positives and shown patience with the frustrations… THEN I’ll feel like a good wife/partner.

Once I’ve done a regular 30-minutes cardio three times a week, 20-minutes conditioning, 15-minutes meditation and drunk my daily green juice… THEN I’ll feel healthy.

Once I’ve called my friends and family, recognised birthdays and celebrations with thoughtful gifts and meaningful sentiments, spent quality time with all the important people in my life… THEN I’ll feel like a loving friend/daughter/sister/auntie.

…..

What if you stopped waiting until THEN?

What if you chose right now that you are enough?

How about choosing that you are the perfect version of yourself right now?

You are right where you are meant to be.

This is your story.  Celebrate it.

What happened yesterday has gone.

What will happen tomorrow is yours for the taking.

You are who you are and where you are right now for a reason….

You can choose.

You can choose to feel attractive.

You can choose to recognise all you do to create a nurturing home, be a nurturing mummy, a loving wife, a professional success.

You can choose to BE the you that you want to be right now.

Imagine what that would feel like.

How would you act differently?  What would you choose to do right now?  How would you choose to be with the people around you?  What would be important for you to have in your life?  What wouldn’t be important?

You are doing the very best with what you have. 

My lovely, you are doing a great job – be gentle with yourself.

 

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What to do when you’re doubting the next step (aka my current predicament)

03 12 2013

As I sit here writing this, I’m tasting a little of my own medicine.

I’m on unsettled ground but this time I recognise it. I’ve been here before. Something feels a little… off. Something isn’t sitting quite right with my world. I’m striving for authenticity and something feels not quite ‘me’.

And I don’t know the answer.

(Gasp.)

This, my friend, is uncomfortable. You know I’m a perfectionist. My inner Type A wants everything to be just right before even thinking about taking the first step. Let alone, be stepping out there and then getting a dose of the wobbles.

But this is my year for changing my perfectionist ways. As they say, if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got. I’ve ignored these whispers before and paid the price.

This is the year that I’m accepting that I’m NOT the finished article. I’m a work in progress and I don’t have all the answers. And, actually, maybe some of the fun is in NOT having the answers and finding out as I go.

I know where my heart lies. It lies right here, with you. It lies in that ‘aha moment’ when the penny drops for someone. It lies in putting my fingers to the keyboard and writing. It lies in seeing someone recognise their beautiful potential, when their world moves in rhythm with their effort. It’s lies in my faith that if I can make just one person see their brilliance, I’m fulfilled.

But there’s a BUT.

My heart and my mind are wanting to take all of this in a different direction. And I know I must listen. It’s never failed me before. But the truth is I don’t know quite what that direction is. And that has me on a cliff-edge (and I’m not keen on heights)!

This week, for me, is all about listening. Listen to the whispers. (Click to tweet). I am finding quiet and the time to nourish myself, to listen. Only then will I start to understand where these ‘nudges’ are directing me. And when I finally get the message, I’ll be right back here to share with you.

I’d love to hear from you…

Have you ever been ‘nudged’ in a different direction when you thought you had everything mapped out?

Did you listen?

Where did it take you?

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