Let me just acknowledge the elephant in the room. I disappeared for a while.
Maybe I owe you a little explanation. I’ll come to that in a moment…
The reason for sharing with you is I believe I can shed some light on what NOT to do if this story is something you can relate to.
I’ll also share what happened when I took the leap – and it totally back-fired!
So, back to the point, I disappeared. I checked out for a bit.
If truth be told… I was hiding away from you guys. You see, my passion is helping people to be their best selves, helping them to live their sparkle and yet, rewind a year, and I felt so far from that myself.
I felt a fraud. I felt I needed to be the finished product to be able to help you. I thought I needed to go away and fix parts of my life first. It’s the perfectionist in me – I wanted to do this thing right. If I was to help you then surely I’d need to be an expert in, and perfect in, all areas.
Writing this to you now I realise how ridiculous it sounds. Yet still a part of me whispers “who am I to be able to help anyone else when there’s still things I’m working on?” Old habits die hard, as they say.
But striving for utopia is perfectionism on over-drive. It’s me procrastinating on the one thing I feel really called to do – to help, to write, to show up in ways that help you create your best life.
So, what not to do?
Don’t wait for the perfect time. There never is one.
Don’t wait for the perfect opportunity to show up. It won’t.
Don’t wait to feel like you’re ready/perfect. You won’t – nothing changes unless YOU change.
What’s standing between you and what you want?
I’ve spent the best part of my lifetime hiding and actively avoiding attention. But deep down I know that standing between me and what I want (helping people on a bigger scale), I need to come out of hiding and push my comfort zone
So this week I decided to be brave. I love to write to you but I know sometimes I hide behind the written word. Speaking up is my challenge. I made a commitment to my awesome coach to “show my face”. I gave my word that I’d share on Facebook Live.
This was majorly uncomfortable. By showing up on Facebook Live I had to do the opposite of my default attention-avoidance, as if I was saying “look at me, I’m here and I have something to say.” That is hugely out of my comfort zone. It’s LIVE people – there’s zero room for perfectionism.
My insecurities were laid bare – insecure in the value of what I had to say, how I was saying it, how I was looking while saying it. To me, I was raising my head over the parapet and opening myself up to being judged. (That’s not to say that’s what I expected of the gorgeous peeps who might see it but they were the warning bells clanging by that ‘chimp brain’ of mine that’s trying to protect me.)
And I can’t tell you how (embarrassingly) long my finger hovered over the scary “Go Live” button.
BUT THEN… The utopia came to mind. The life I imagine and the ‘me’ in it tapped me on the shoulder and, instead, I asked: “What would that Emma do?” So, I pressed the button and I did it.
(Did you see? It was a disaster. The sound did not work!!! I chatted to myself for 8 minutes! EMBARRASSING. But I did it and I left it up there as proof, imperfect as it is!)
And here’s the lesson I’ve learned that I want to share.
I’ve come to learn that success is in the little victories. I’d been focusing on the end game – striving for that finish line of success before I can help.
What’s courage anyway? To me it’s letting your want/need for something be just a fraction bigger than your fear. It’s a succession of moments like that, each moment getting you that little bit closer to your desired you and desired destination.
So, I ask again. What stands between you and what you want? And what can you do to have courage (that’s just a tiny bit bigger than your fear) for one bold moment this week?