2013 February

Facing my fears, one email at a time. (Warning: personal disclosure)

02 12 2013
I have a big flaw.

One that’s paralysing my forward motion.

A flaw that is beyond ridiculous (except, maybe, for you superheroes out there).

As a baby, were you able to walk on your first attempt?  Were you able to drive a car as soon as you got behind the wheel?  No?  Me neither.  So why do I fear ‘getting it wrong’ so badly?

Ladies, my name’s Emma and I’m a perfectionist.

Yes, it has an upside – I’m a hard-worker, I put my best into wherever my focus is, it makes me pretty reliable.  But the upside isn’t worth the sheer drop of the downside. 

Downside, you have me hesitating.  Holding off taking risks.  Afraid to make a mistake.  Afraid to make a decision

In a world of uncertainty, perfectionism gives me just a glimmer of the certainty it seems I crave.  Rationally I know nothing is guaranteed.  That “fortune favours the brave”.  Well, maybe I’m just not brave enough.

We’re already into the second month of the year and my resolve to put myself ‘out there’ this year, to take risks, is already waning.

Take my upcoming group programme, Life By Design, for example.  I’ve worked hard on designing something that resonates and creates results.  I’ve trialled it with a group of inspiring women.  I’ve refined and enhanced the original.  I’ve added in a few bonuses.  Realistically there should be no risk.  It’s been tested (not on animals) – but still I hesitate.

What ifs flood my brain. 

And so, today I’m taking a stand.  I’m taking a risk.  I’m sharing with you the big three things that I want to put ‘out there’ this year … and then there’s no going back.

  1. Launch Life By Design this Springtime.
  2. Introduce video newsletters.  I love sharing with you each week but I’d love to speak to YOU directly.  (This requires facing a BIG fear of mine – public speaking).
  3. Ask for help.  I want to research and fine-tune an idea I have for a book (gulp – there, I’ve said it).  It means me asking of busy, successful people.  Huge perfectionist leap!

There.  It’s out there.  Now I risk a very public display of ‘egg on my face’ if I don’t act.  If I wait for everything to be perfect, I’ll probably be waiting forever.  You can hold me accountable.

Now it’s your turn.

Is there a flaw that you need to ‘name and shame’? What can you do today to show it who’s boss?  I’d love for you to share in the Comments below…

Source: amommaly.com on Pinterest

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Could a fear of success be holding you back?

02 05 2013

Fear of failure.  We’ve all been there and done that.  It’s as common as the cold.  We love our comfort zones just so.  Why venture out into the dark unknown when you feel safe as you are?

But this fear’s lesser-known sibling is the fear of success.  Is it possible that it’s actually success you’re afraid of?  You may well be shaking a firm “no, not me”, maybe even thinking it sounds crazy to fear success BUT, if you’re feeling ‘stuck’ in any way, there’s likely to be a few weeds in your thinking that need uprooting. 

Bring to mind a goal you’ve had for some time but have made little or no headway in achieving.  Ask yourself: “why haven’t I made progress?”  Move beyond the excuses and justifications.  Keep asking ‘why’ with childlike curiosity and see what comes up.  What does your picture of success look like?  What DON’T you want that this success will bring?

I’ll share an example: my own fear of success.

I was a non-believer.  Of course I wanted success.  I am a hard worker and my blood, sweat and tears have all been directed in the firm direction of success.  But I was stuck.  My nemesis, procrastination, had taken a grip.  I asked myself the same questions: why hadn’t I made progress?  What was in my picture of success that I DIDN’T want?

The answer surprised me!  I truly value freedom and authenticity … and, somewhere in the back of my mind, these two values would be threatened by success.  If I achieved my vision for my business, professionally and financially, I pictured having to work long hours and having little time for the people I love.  Earning money might change people’s perception of me to the proverbial ‘poser’.  Neither are great motivators!

In getting clear on what I don’t want, it also shone a light on what I did.  Freedom to flex my time around work and family is priority.  Being successful AND being authentic and generous was my ideal.

What I needed were examples, role models to follow – and I urge you to do the same.  Who did I know (in person or famous) who had achieved success which brought them greater freedom, financial wealth AND a reputation for being genuine and giving?  By finding examples of people I could model my version of success on, the symptoms (procrastination) of my stuck-ness begin to shift.

Now, it’s your turn. 

What is it that’s stopping you making progress towards the success you desire?  Who could be your role model for your new version of success? 

I’d love to hear your comments.

Source: Melanie on Pinterest

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