Resolutions: been there, done that. And failed. Big time. Setting such strict resolutions in new year’s past has simply set me up for failure – I just don’t have the willpower to avoid that off-limits piece of chocolate, to stick to that unrealistic exercise regime I set. Ask me what my goal and intentions are, on the other hand, and you can be sure I’ll be busily making plans, to-do lists and day-dreaming of the outcome. Better still, make it visual and it becomes an even more appealing destination (I’ve talked of my vision boards here and here).
On this, the second day of a new year, I thought I’d share my intentions for this blog. This in itself is a goal of mine – being brave enough to share my ambitions and future plans for this, my creative space in the world, putting aside my fear of other people’s opinion. And, with a deep breath, I’ll begin… (Get comfortable, it’s my longest post yet!)
The back story…
To set the scene, I’m going to re-wind two years. I was 31 years old and, by this point, had been working hard for 8 years in the corporate world – I’d had successes, I’d progressed, I’d definitely had high points to celebrate, on paper my CV was looking good but I was running on empty. It felt a struggle, it didn’t excite me anymore, it didn’t fit me – the real me. I had had a stomach-full of being pushed to be more assertive, more single-mindedly ambitious. I didn’t want what was promised, I didn’t want to become what I needed to be (or needed to pretend to be) to succeed in this environment. And, without me realising, this toxic air started to choke me. What started out as a feeling of being lost and frustrated, turned to despondency and, ultimately, took a toll on my health – physical and mental. The low point, and ironically the turning point, was a 5am visit to A&E: as ridiculous as it may sound now in the cool light of day, I was having chest pains, struggling to breathe and I was sure I was dying. Diagnosis: anxiety attacks.
It was the smack around the face I needed to finally admit to myself something I’d known for a long time – this way of life didn’t fit me. Something needed to give. It turned out, the thing that needed to give was trying to fit my life into a perception of what was expected, the expectation of what a “good girl” should be doing with her life, of how “sorted” I should be at this ripe old age. My life had been on automatic pilot since I left university – using my degree by getting a “good job” and working my way up the corporate ladder. My wake-up call had shown me that I wanted my life to stand for something different.
I’d learnt that I get a feeling of joy and a sense of reward by nurturing people; channelling my creative energy sets my heart on fire; having a sense of freedom to share the view from my lens on the world gives me enormous satisfaction. This is the real me.
Fast forward a year and my blog was born. I’d been in the shadows and come out the other side and I wanted to share my learnings with other people: life doesn’t have to feel like a struggle, you don’t have to take the path well-trodden; you don’t have to become someone else to succeed. You already are. Sorry if I’m getting carried away – maybe Judy Garland’s quote may put it more eloquently: “be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else.” Through BasilBe, I set out to share inspiration of people living their best lives, stories, quotes and pictures that have inspired me and so, hopefully, could inspire someone else.
To the future….
So what’s next? My intention for this space hasn’t changed – it still is a place for me to share inspiration, to speak to that knowing in each of us that we deserve to live the life of our dreams, and to share my own journey on that mission! What has changed is my dreams for what it can become….
Dream One: I want to create a sense of community: Back in 2009, I felt completely lost, a failure and that everyone else was super-confident and free of the fears/doubts that tripped me up. In being willing to share this personal experience with others, it seems I wasn’t alone at all. Aside from my amazing family and friends, it had all felt a little taboo and it would have been great to reach out to others, to read about other people’s experiences and how they learned to live their best life. I dream that I can create a positive community where like-minded individuals can share their own experiences and inspire, motivate and support each other.
Dream Two: I would love to use that “nurturing” part of me to help people get to the truth of their passion, their purpose, so that they can live at their fullest, happiest potential. Apologies if this is all sounding a little hippy-dippy BUT I’ve felt the emptiness of ignoring the whispers that told me I had it wrong and it’s not a good place to be – if I can help just one person avoid this ‘low’ and prompt them to find their own higher ground, I would be one happy girl! I’d love to build on my blog as is to become a place with tips and tools to help people to discover their unique sparkle and live their best life.
Dream Three (aka “the biggie”): They say everyone has a book inside them and I’ve often felt the urge to get pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and get writing – the stickler has been I’ve not known what to write about. My biggest discovery of 2011 was finding my voice, finding the thing that inspires me to keep posting on this blog, good days and bad. I’m getting that tingle in my tummy that says I’m onto something that sits right with me. I dream that 2012 is the year that the book inside of me is born.
And there you have it. I’m bravely sharing my intentions and hoping I get a few more nudges in the right direction.
Wishing you a wonderful 2012 – the year of your best life.